back to school

It's a really strange feeling to know this is the last time I will come back here for a new semester. I won't wander around the buildings looking for my new classes or have the delight of finding my friends there when I sit down. Don't get me wrong; I'm glad to be getting out of this place. I am no small town girl and 4 years here, even if it is extremely liberal and cosmopolitan for an upstate NY town, had made me really antsy and claustrophobic. I won't miss our rather nice crack dealers next door (at least in NYC you might expect that, living in one of the poorer areas as I do here) nor will I miss the ridiculous parking laws. In fact, I will not miss driving at all one bit. I just can't wait to graduate and move on to the next part of my life, though grad school will be pretty much the same thing.

I'm already behind on my reading, as per usual, and I haven't even had a class yet! After some consideration I've decided to drop any class not necessary to graduate and/or complete my thesis, in an effort to cut down on my huge stress level. So that leaves the senior honors seminar (a BS "human nature" class that makes me rather stabby), Intro to Poetry (ha! to finish my English minor), a Biological Anthro (I need another science requirement) and my independent study to finish the thesis. I'm hoping this means I'll have more time to chill out, spend time with the roommates, see other friends, and cook for myself. I'm pretty confident I can lose those 5-10 pounds this semester as long as I have time to prepare decent food - I'm already messing that up though as this morning I had yogurt, granola, and a brownie for breakfast. Sigh, that's what happens when my roommate brings back a bag full of them!

I am terrified of seeing Jason again as he must be so disappointed in me. I can't believe I failed that class because of the fucking final paper. I told him so many times I needed an easier topic but he had so much confidence in me...then I just froze up. I couldn't do it, I just didn't have the breadth of knowledge required. He knows I worked harder than anyone else in that class and we are pretty close anyway. I'm so ashamed of that I don't even want to see him.